Porn, the Great Cop-out

There are 4.2 million pornographic websites. 12% or 1 in every 8.5 websites are pornography sites. Men view porn 3 to 1 compared to women. The largest group of porn users is children ages 12 – 17.

As a marriage and family therapist, my main scope of practice is to encourage healthy relationships. How does porn harm a couple’s relationship? It steals pleasure, it robs male potency, it creates isolation, and it destroys a man’s dignity.

I would like to dispel several myths about pornography. Proponents of porn say that viewing it improves sexual satisfaction and that people who have casual sex have more satisfaction than married folks. A survey of 3432 people in 1992 found that married couples had the highest rate of sexual satisfaction at 88 percent. People who were not married or living with someone had the lowest rates of sexual satisfaction at 54 percent. This study also found that married women had significantly higher rate of orgasm than single women. One of the study’s authors said that “the marriage effect is so dramatic that it swamps all other data.” John H. Gagnon “Sex in America: A Definitive Survey.” So in reality, great sex occurs between two committed adults. Many times, the longer the commitment or marriage, the greater the satisfaction and intimacy.

With pornography, men focus on the sensuality of certain body parts. They are not interested in a woman as a companion or friend but as convenience for a man’s pleasure. Women are not considered as an individual with a soul but an object to be used then disposable and replaced by a fresher model. Pornography is designed to stimulate masturbatory fantasies. Men learn to bring themselves to ejaculation very quickly with porn. This focus on certain body parts and a race to the finish line often leads to premature ejaculation when with a real person. It certainly does not promote mutual satisfaction. Most women need 5 to 10 minutes of intravaginal stimulation to reach an orgasm. Porn steals pleasure from both men and women.

Sex is about the body, soul and spirit of two people being fused together for mutual satisfaction and love. Sex is about intimacy. Intimacy is about opening up and revealing ourselves to one another. Intimacy is about caring for another’s pleasure as much as our own pleasure. It truly desires to be with another. When you are just someone’s outlet for pleasure, it defeats the whole purpose of physical intimacy. When you are having sex with only the body, you and your partner’s heart and mind can be far away with someone else. Porn promotes isolation and the feelings of isolation. Far from being the sexual liberator it purports to be, pornography leads to slavery and the destruction of a person’s dignity.